Loving You

Oh beautiful God..
How much my heart longs for You!!
How much my spirit yearns for You!!
In this world where all things are so superficial and empty,
You alone are so real to me,
You alone complete me!

Worshiping You makes me fall in love with you more,
Praising You makes my heart leap with joy,
Seeing You makes me cry,
Touching You makes me forget about the whole world,
Loving You makes me.

A man after God's own heart

Man...I just realised I haven't filled my blog for a long time...Sorry Cath, I've been so busy balancing my life to the right proportions I've forgotten to share =P Dw, I got stacks to share now. Firstly, there is the CCC conference for a whole week. Soooooo exciting to see a generation of young people that are soooooo on fire for God!! Makes me on FIRE as well!! And these people are like 19 - 23 years old yet they are so mature, men and women of God already!! I decided that I'm gonna be like them... I'm not gonna wait till I'm old to become awesome for God. They sacrificed everything they have, their futures, their hopes and dreams that they may be used by God. I could really tell the difference between two people who are the same age yet they are so different in God. For one, I saw this 19yr old girl and even though shes only 19, shes already a youth leader!! Crazy!! No wonder they get married at the age of 20 and 21.. They are already MEN and WOMEN of God... Not children anymore. I look to myself and wonder if I can become even more awesome than they are.

I also finished my 40days of fasting with the Purpose Driven Life last week!! It tells us that a person's life should consist of 5 things and these things should be equally balanced: WORSHIP, MINISTRY, MISSION, FELLOWSHIP and DISCIPLESHIP!! Right now I'm trying to balance it all together but it really takes alot of sacrifice. I really wanna impact my friends at school by starting a bible study there every lunch time but at the moment I'm praying to God for more courage and strength. It's my last year in school after all!!

Right now, I feel soooooooo hungry for God, starving! Every time I leave His presence, I just feel so empty and thirsty that it makes me even more desperate for God. I just can't get enough of Him!!! I really have this urge to have a heart like David's heart for some reason, that's why I've been studying how His heart is. I realised that David had a heart of a warrior, poet and servant. And he was able to bring out the best of everyone around him, he was an awesome leader that everyone looked up to and for some reason it was as if David found God's Holy Spirit even before Jesus went back to heaven [Psalm 51:11]. And the coolest thing was that even God considered Him as "a Man after My own heart". Awesome aye!!

"Cause the enemies been defeated,
And death couldn't hold You down,
Gonna lift our voice in victory,
Gonna make Your praises loud!

Shout out to God with a voice of triumph!!
Shout out to God with a voice of praise!!
Shout out to God with a voice of triumph!!
We lift Your name up!! We lift Your name up!!"

RETREAT!!!

I've always wondered why a "retreat" is called a retreat. Guess its because we retreat from the world we live in to a place where we can focus on the one thing that matters most in our lives: God. Well, on the 8th April 2005, LBCM went on our retreat labelled "Bangkitlah & Bercahayalah" ("Rise and Shine").

It started out as a busy day, alot of packing and unpacking. Muscles bulging and sweat dropping we managed to move all the equipment needed from church to the conference room. With the help of Caroline's "White Rabbit" candy and Daniel's "Choco Pie", we managed to have enough energy to play a game of basketball, or two. Chicken Express and some dilluted cordial were our dinner and so session one started of beautifully. Unfortunately for me and Ko Alex, we were in charge of putting people to sleep. What a tough job man!! So many naughty people sneaking out (I think I caught Daniel sneaking out at least 5 times that night =P ) but it wasn't only the youth that were naughty, some of the Tante2 and Om2 didn't want to go to sleep as well. Aiya!! My reward was half a container of home-made martabak!! Yummm... (To the chef: I like chocolate and peanuts better thanks =P hahaha... Thanks chef! Beaut mate!!)

(I just realised this is going to be a long blog so be patient hehehe...) The next day started off nicely also. It seems that waking people up is easier than putting them to sleep (Darn kalongs! Hehehe). For me, since I'm fasting, I couldn't eat till 3pm. Most of the day I played basketball and took care of the kids (It seems there's a part of me that still loves being a Sunday school teacher. Love those kids!! So naughty yet so cute!) Session 2 and 3 followed shortly. The preacher was really good, really garink euy!! Real crispy at times! Ha3.

We were also split into 4 groups and had to organise an act by the end of the day so we didn't have much free time but it was good anyway. I made another bro that day, Ronald my man!!! So crazy, so funny!! Which brings me to one of the most important events of the day: the baptism of 5 very special people. Denny, Ronald, Reza (Atep. Roof?), William and Mimi. Many blessings to you my bro's and sis' in Christ!!.Before we knew it, the day ended and the performances started. They're all so good and funny. Before it was my turn to become security again, we had a special presentation for my bro from China, Yogi. I believe we made him cry again. Right Yogi? Hehehe... The night ended with less fuss than yesterday. Many people still sneaking out but I was too sleepy to scream at them =P

Day3 also was a brilliant day. With breakfast and the Sunday service gone, we had another surprise for Yogi: 2 buckets of water!!! Hahaha... Drenched him and poor JJ also. Hihihi... After lunch and a few games of "Chop-Chilli-Chop" everyone went back home to "bobo". Throughout the whole retreat God blessed us with His presence, His spirit and perfect weather! The star's we're beautiful, you could actually see the milky way!

Little do we know that this retreat had been a retreat from ourselves, our world, our lives, our pride and into the heart, the presence, the beauty and the majesty of God. That's what I call a RETREAT!!!

My armor's getting rusty

I just saw the face of God shine down upon me this morning. I cried the moment I saw His holiness and love. And you know the greatest thing He did was that He cried with me. I told Jesus to stop crying and instead smile down upon me because that is my purpose in life: to make Him smile, to make Him proud of me. I told Him that He shouldn't have to cry because He has been through enough suffering for me. He stayed silent and did not say anything. It was then that I realised that though He was crying with me, He also smiled at me.

It was through His holy light that once again I saw myself. I saw that my armor was getting rusty. So this morning I polished it once again. To have the belt of TRUTH, the breastplate of RIGHTEOUSNESS, the feet of READINESS, the shield of FAITH, the helmet of SALVATION and the sword of the SPIRIT. One thing I noticed is that the sword of the spirit never gets rusty, never needs polishing. It's because its not important how shiny the sword is or how sharp it is but rather how you wield that sword. Even though at the moment my armour is still shaby and rusty, I tell you everyone that one day I will be a knight in shining armour! Fighting for His glory, His honour and His kingdom!!

The Beauty of the Lord

Wondering times of trial,
I look to the Lord for revival.
Why? Where? Who?

His beauty I cannot fathom,
Seek it, search for it, come...
Where? Who?

The grace to all, the gift for you,
A meer copy of the true.
Who?

In you.

Cruising week

Hi all... I wanna talk about my week. Firstly on Monday I got a haircut from the famous Eliza Kusmanto.. International hairdresser. She turned me from a nerd to what my friends call a "gungster" (Filo way of saying gangster =P) She was too expensive to pay with money so instead I made her a TimTam's shake (Gloria Jeans style) hehehe.. Then on Tuesday I had a nice long chat with Rhesa (about what you say? well be patient) and on Wednesday I had my lovely powerhouse with a TWIST!! Rhesa was doing edification!!! Go Rhesa! Go Rhesa!! He did a pretty good job considering it was his first time. And finally yesterday, Thursday, we had an awesome cruise hosted by the two lovely Jessica and Han2. Everyone looked gorgeous and spiffy, and the weather given by God was PERFECT!!! Full moon, no wind and the stars came out to dance. All in all, a perfect night out!

JESUSFREAKS!!!

Caaayyoooooo!!! I believe it is time to be the ultimate JesusFreaks that we were created to be once again. For a month now I have been learning stacks of lessons from the Almighty but I was always focusing on the wrong things. Now I realise that IT IS TIME TO BECOME JESUSFREAKS AGAIN!! I can feel my spirit rising!! I can feel my faith rising!! I've had enough of being knocked around by my emotions and the devil with his tricks. I want to F.R.O.G. again (Fully Rely On God!!) for everything: joy, peace, fun, smiles and even tears. I've had enough of people who need to be conformed by the world or by their friends, people who are ruled by their emotions, people who cannot worship Him unless their in a "good" mood or even people who feel lonely in the middle of the crowd. I don't want to be one of those people again. I want to rise up beyond the "natural" and go into the "SUPERNATURAL", not "ordinary" but "EXTRA-ORDINARY" Not ruled, dependant, addicted to anything/anyone BUT GOD!! We were all made for something special, made to BE DIFFERENT from everyone else!! COME ON EVERYONE!! WHO WILL JOIN ME?!?!?! WHO WILL BECOME A JESUSFREAK?!?!?

Another painful lesson learned...

Hi guys... Another thing I learnt from God is that there is nothing that God wants except your broken and empty heart. He did not die on the cross as a price for a heart stuck together on joy or pain, but He paid the price for our broken hearts. If we try to offer up our lives with anything attached, He won't accept it for the simple fact that He didn't pay for it. Only when we give up our broken hearts to Him, even though its extremely painful to empty your heart, then can we be stuck together once again with God's love. So many times I've tried to attach things to my heart in order to please God, but what really pleases Him is your broken heart and that only. Then He will stick it all back together with His love and we will be complete. That's why we have to rely on God and Him only. Stay on fire everyone! Ignite it in your hearts! Do you long for Him in every moment of your lives? Or do you depend on other people's love to cover you? Remember, the greater the pain, the greater the offering to God!!!

Forgetful but blessed!!

Hi guys! Right now I feel so blessed by God banget deh... (ini sharing engkin dari kemarin ^^) Kan dua minggu lalu, gue bete banget krn lagi di testing sama Tuhan (bukan bete marah sih...tapi lebih ke sedih" gitu lah..) Tapi abis di testing dan sudah menang, gue bisa langsung merasa Tuhan itu lebih deket lagi. He takes care of me even in the smallest things like waking me up in the morning even when I already turn-off all my alarms (note the word "alarms" coz I have/need more than one hehehe). And you know what!! Since all year 12's are allowed to go to the city for lunch, me and my friends go down to play some basketball down the road from our school everyday. On one occasion, I accidently left my blazer there which I might add costs $200 and I had my wallet in it which had US$100 in it. Crazy aye!! I was panicking in school like nuts and the moment the bell went I rushed down to the basketball courts and IT WAS STILL THERE!!! Bersyukurlah!!! Man, God takes care of me sooo much!! And even when a few days later I left my glasses down there also, and I found them again. God is soooooo good aye? So many people play at the courts and they didn't even touch it!! I'm glad I have God on my side cos I'm so pikun, kakek" hahaha...

Battles & Fortresses

As you all know, last week I went through one of the greatest battles I've ever faced. It took a lot of strength from me and at times I felt like giving up. Other times I would be strong whilst the devil taunted me. But in the end, THE LORD BROUGHT ABOUT A GREAT VICTORY!!! Wooooohooooooooooo!!!! Man, one thing that I learnt from my experiences with battles is that after you have won a battle in that particular part of you, it becomes one of your strongest points. (Just like if you break a bone, the pain comes first, then healing and finally the bone gets stronger!! You can check my biology book if you don't believe me hahaha..) Well this part of me now is a fortress that is impenetrable by any of the devil's tricks. Strong and mighty is the Lord Amen? He healed me once again and made me realise at His greatness and majesty. So glorious!

Btw, on another topic, my Indo is getting better!!! (not writing yet though...too hard) Try talk to me in Indo and you can tell it's getting better. Sometimes I have to have "permanasan" first though.. so be patient. This is thanks to all my Indo friends at church especially Icha (who forces me to speak Indo with her because she doesn't want to speak english with me ddaaassaaaarr euy!! hahaha.. ngak lah.. Icha baek koq (^.^)\/ peace, peace..jangan di cubit lagi ya? hehe), Rhesa (who helps me with the weirdest Indo words I've ever seen in my whole life, I had a list of all the words he gave me but I lost it *hiks* *hiks* sorry rhesa, you have to tell me again later muahahaha) and Daniel (who always corrrects me if I'm wrong when I'm "kelesek" with my words hahahaha). Thankyou semua!! Keep on teaching me more!!