With everything...

I think Im having a pity party at the moment so please excuse me...

Do u ever get the feeling, that you can be so much better? That potential runs in your vein? You know what is right, you know that you can do what is right but in the end you end up doing the opposite even though you don't mean it? I feel that way alot and I wonder is it bcos I don't have enough determination in me, or is it because the way I think is wrong, or is it because I'm not capable..
(I think if I was God i'd be sick of this guy named franklin hahaha)

Well I understand now how Paul feels when he said "I do what I don't want to do and I don't do what I want to do". Its like a frustrating rock in your shoe, a shirt with an itchy tag or a pimple on the tip of your nose...

God i know u listen to all our prayers and u look upon us with eyes of love. I just want to say sorry (for the thousandth time) and take up my cross once more..

Cos even a rock in your shoe can be taken out, an itchy tag in your shirt be cut off and all wounds be healed..

For ASLAN!!!

I just watched Narnia: Prince Caspian last night and it spoke sooo much to me..
-How King Peter charges forward towards his own battle plans shouting "FOR NARNIA!!"
-How he failed and managed to get his allies killed along the way
-How he realises that only with Aslan can he win the battle
-How they shouted "FOR ASLAN!!" and charged for their cause and ended up victorious.

It dawned on me that sometimes in my life I go round and round in circles tryin to do my best for...for what? that i may look good as a Christian? to do the right thing? for who? me?

EVERYTHING is FROM Him
EVERYTHING is THROUGH Him
EVERYTHING is FOR Him

Im going to try and live my life now...not for this city...not for my vision...not for the lost...cos they all lose meaning...

If i dont live for Him.

Let's go!

Alrity alrity...the start of journaling once more (i note that theres a red squigly line under the word journaling and when i right click, there are no correct ways to spell it meaning, I dont think the word journaling exists ahahaha anyway....)
I remember I used to have a green diary and I'd write in it everyday sooooo... this shouldn't be too hard....rite?

Today God showed me a vision of myself, holding a mike and preaching passionately to ppl in front of me. And despite the size of the crowd in front of me, the point I take from it all was the feeling when i got the vision. He still believed in me! Despite all the mistakes i've done in my life and the mistakes i will do, His faithfulness stands strong, unwavering and comes crashing down on me overflowing my heart and soul.

And here I was having a pity party.